Here is a list I compiled of UNIX commands that return witty error messages.
Some of the commands don't return the same error messages, depending upon
which OS you're running (ie SunOS, HP/UX, Ultrix, etc.). Have fun!
If you know of any other funny UNIXisms that aren't here, please send them to
Make: Don't know how to make fire. Stop.
1984: Event not found. # (on some systems)
Too many ('s.
man:: Too many arguments.
%blow: No such job.
(-: Command not found.
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!
matter: cannot create
% touch this; chmod 000 this
% ln -s /usr/bin/touch U
% U this
U: cannot touch this: no write permission
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent
Unknown user: god.
ar: God does not exist
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
opener: not found
alias: Too dangerous to alias that.
cat: cannot open catfood
cat: can't open food in cans
No manual entry for woman.
No manual entry for p***y.
rm: God nonexistent
ar: creating God
desert is not logged on.
No manual entry for you.
bluemoon: Event not found.
"Arnold Schwarzenegger": << terminator not found
cat: cannot open the can of tuna
rm: Quayle-brains nonexistent
cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery
look: cannot open my eyes
lost: not found
Make: Don't know how to make war. Stop.
yellow_pages: Is a directory
%chmod 000 me
touch: cannot touch me: permission denied
ar: my love life does not exist
ar: matey, the tresure does not exist
talk: Kremlin: Can't figure out network address.
[Your party is not logged on]
make "heads or tails of all this"
man -kisses dog
GET A LIFE!
elvis is alive
make: Fatal error: Don't know how to make target ` '